Because Screwdrivers Taste Better at 7 a.m…

Why is Purdue tailgating better than IU’s? Let me count the ways…

1. First and foremost, BREAKFAST CLUB. Our beloved Breakfast Club has been called the greatest pregame ritual of college football (if Sports Illustrated says so, I believe it), and as the saying goes, you can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning, and we’ve got several hours on IU. Purdue’s campus bars open their doors at 7 a.m. to welcome the masses of students dressed in the most intricate and creative costumes one could ever imagine, and will never remember, seeing. There is nothing like the college game day experience of waking up before the sun rises to begin pounding shots with your friends and bringing to-go cups to chug in line. IU students piss and moan about getting up so early to drink, or having to dress up to “have fun”…clearly they cannot handle the idea of doing something so original as breakfast club. So you IU fans, stick to your RVs and endless games of cornhole, and just know when you are still nestled snug in your beds dreaming (emphasis on dreaming) of an IU football win, Purdue students started their tailgating five hours ago.
2. Tailgating is more fun for us knowing our football team will always be better. And yeah, as I’m writing this article, our teams are tied (4-6). However, historically, and I’m sure I don’t have to rub it in your faces, oh loyally embarrassed followers of the Cream and Crimson, but Purdue has won the Oaken Bucket game a whopping 55 times compared to IU’s measly 26. Might I mention Purdue’s eight conference titles compared to IU’s two? Getting up to drink in the morning knowing our football team is more likely to kick ass than yours makes our days as Boilermakers just a little bit brighter…afterall, we’re watching the sun rise from the bars.
3. Our tailgating areas and bars are more centrally located…because walking anywhere drunk sucks, and wastes the time and energy you could put into tailgating festivities. While I realize there is nothing but a sea of IU’s hideous colors on the tailgating fields during game day, we Purdue students feel sorry for you that you don’t have anything else BUT tailgating to look forward to. I suppose I wouldn’t leave my tailgate if I knew the bars were that far away from the IU stadium. At Purdue, we get the best of both worlds; bars in the morning, tailgates in the later morning, and then a quick walk to the stadium.
4. Drinking Kamchatka is equivalent to drinking dry ice, or perhaps battery acid. For tailgating at Purdue, we keep it classy here with McCormick’s, which, I might add, is from the established McCormick Distilling Co., Inc., which I discovered after attempting to compare flavor choices of Kamchatka and McCormick’s. Try as I might to find a Kamchatka website, I discovered that their producers don’t have a website, probably because it is made in some back alley in Tijuana. And who am I kidding…flavors of Kamchatka? Nail polish remover and hand sanitizer is accurate. So IU tailgater, wander on over to a Purdue tailgate this weekend, and rest your eroded esophagus by filling up with the good stuff (and for the Oaken Bucket game, you know we’ll upgrade even past McCormick’s).
5. One thing I really am looking forward to this weekend about going down to IU for the game is that I will probably come home with a brand new shiny public intox ticket from IU’s psychotic Excise Police to hang on the Daugherty family fridge! Are you likely at Purdue to get a drinking ticket during Grand Prix week? Probably. But do you have to worry about stumbling home from Breakfast Club or into the game still in your costume and having some young hip looking guy in a plaid flannel shirt come up to you and slap a drinking ticket on you? Unless you’re passed out in a gutter, in the middle of the street, or drowning in a Purdue fountain, no! Having to worry about Excise being out in droves at IU tailgates puts a serious damper on the day. Police at Purdue are kind enough to us that they’ve even put up traffic barricades to protect our drunken selves on game days and protect cars from Breakfast Club participant traffic. Bet IU students wish they could have a relationship as amiable as Purdue students do with our game day police patrol.

BOILER UP!!

Published: November 18, 2009

The All-Inclusive Family Vacation

Sayler taking pictures of rock walls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I write this article, I’m currently sitting on the balcony of a timeshare in Florida, soaking up the sun with my borderline snowbird parents, Tammy and Sayler. A long weekend getaway from Purdue, and an excuse to skip my least favorite holiday, Halloween. Is my mind somewhere else as I’m writing this article? Absolutely. I’m ready to head out to the beach and jump into the Atlantic. But here’s what I’m thinking…I’m going through all of the past family vacations we’ve taken and realizing a little too late how great family vacations are. As college students, we certainly take them for granted, and many of us opt out of a Spring Break with our parents to spend the week in a drunken haze getting way too sunburned and making bad decisions. Vacation time with the family means several things:

First, everything is paid for. You want dessert at dinner? Go for it. That snorkeling excursion? Done. So long as it’s a “family activity” it’ll be paid for, including blindfolded shots at the Senor Frogs in Cozumel. I’ve done things on family vacations I never would’ve dreamt of doing on friend vacations, like deep sea fishing in Cabo. Complete with 13-foot swells and swallowing Dramamine like candy, and after seven hours of puking over the side of the boat later, Sayler thought it would be a good idea to have the tuna we caught prepared on the sketchy pier so we could “bring it to a restaurant and have them cook it for us.” What ended up happening? I had to actually use my Spanish minor and write a note to our hotel maid explaining that the tuna filets in the mini fridge were for her family since she did a very thorough cleaning job on our rooms.

Secondly, family vacations yield better vacation spots in general. Daugherty family vacations have taken me on cruises, Arizona dude ranches, ski trips, Hawaii, Ireland, and other lovely destinations. Vacations with friends have taken me to Florida (not hating, I can’t wait for SB Twenty Ten in Fort Laudy). I also usually get my own bed when vacationing with the family, unless I have to share it with Meg (and if that happens, an all-out sheet ownership war ensues, and I’ll usually just end up drugging myself with Benadryl to survive the night).

And lastly, family vacations bring you closer together…real close. I happen to get along very well with my parents and sister, but the family vacation dynamic can change that. The Daugherty clan went to Ireland this summer, a “back to our roots” vacation (whoops, we’re from Donegal in Northern Ireland which we found out upon arriving…not on our itinerary at all). My Mom boarded the plane to head back to the US gritting her teeth and explaining that she needed “a vacation from your father.” My dad is getting ready to retire and has been brainstorming ideas for how to pass the time. He decided in Ireland that he would create a garden, and an authentic Irish stone wall to go around it after being inspired. After our driver pulled over every time my dad saw a rock wall so he could take a picture for his “portfolio” (see picture) and we waited patiently while he collected rocks from each county to bring back to America, we were ready to slam shots of Jameson. Frugality also struck in Sayler in an odd way. After feeling the pressure from a European vacation, he mandated that we couldn’t get an appetizer at dinner, but would proceed to spend 50 euro on an authentic Irish patch cap. Gotta love the man!

Looking back on these vacations is always fun. Even when your dad plugs his camera into a television and shows all house guests the over 900 pictures from Ireland. Family vacations are a different experience than vacations with friends or your pledge class, but they’ve been some of the best Clark Griswold-ian times of my life. Now excuse me while I head to the beach and then to a lobster shack, because as Sayler says, “two Brazilian lobsters for $19.99!”

Published: November 4, 2009