Ode to the Flying Tomato

As I sit in front of the fuzzy TV at Theta wondering why no one can replace the batteries in the remote, I’m anxiously awaiting the appearance of my future husband, Shaun White. My athlete crush used to be Robbie Hummel, but sorry Rob, I’m moving on to Shaun. Perhaps it’s the distinguished bone structure, the smattering of freckles, or the unmistakable mess of red curly hair. Or maybe it’s just how great he is at snowboarding, skateboarding, saving orphans, adopting shelter animals, solving world hunger. Whatever it is about him that’s making a select few girls in my house (especially me!) fall for Shaun, here are some things you didn’t know about him…and please pray he never sees this because I’ll never have a chance due to the restraining order he’s sure to file.

And keep watching the Olympics! God knows must of us will never have a chance to compete in the Summer Olympics, but the Winter Olympics have those everyman (and woman) sports, like uh…well, I can only think of curling. If you win a shuffleboard contest on a family vacation doesn’t that sort of automatically make you at least potentially good at curling? Maybe you’ll see me in 2016?

1. Shaun has a private halfpipe carved into a Silverton Mountain in Colorado, built especially for him, and only him, by Red Bull. You (eh, I guess he) can only get there by helicopter or snowmobile. It has a foam pit for him to test new tricks. Makes Shaq’s in-house basketball court look pretty vanilla huh?
2. He doesn’t like being called the “Flying Tomato.” He used to embrace it, rocking headbands with a cartoon flying tomato, but now he prefers “animal” after the Muppets character (the resemblance is uncanny) and was just recently called the “Red Zeppelin.”
3. He won a car before he was even legal age to drive. He currently owns a Lamborghini and had another one, but he totaled it after hitting a tree.
4. He met Tony Hawk at the age of nine, and Hawk believed from that day on that Shaun would go on to be an amazing athlete. Hawk isn’t shy about telling people he believes Shaun is the world’s greatest athlete now. They live next door to one another in Southern California.
5. He was born with a congenital heart defect for which he endured two open-heart operations before the age of one. Doesn’t that just make him even more badass? Look at him now! Go Shaun, go!

And, I’m still waiting to see the final men’s snowboarding halfpipe. Lindsey Vonn just won women’s downhill (go girl! she worked so hard for it, respect). and I have decided I must hit the slopes, even if it’s heading up to Michigan…I’m itching to ski before winter’s over. Perhaps I can convince the pledge class to go out to Colorado instead of Frat Lauderdale for Spring Break? Dream on…that’s about as likely as Shaun White taking me on a private tour of his halfpipe. Read that how you want to.

Published: February 24, 2010