I’m tired of everyone asking me what my plans for next year include. No I do not have a job yet, and I have been passive-aggressively procrastinating (let’s hear it for alliteration!) on the job search…I just don’t want to tell you that. Is it normal to A. never want to graduate, B. graduate and just live at my lake house, skiing and hammocking my days away, C. take an extended trip to some place outside of the United States that has many beaches, or D. want to have a job as a permanent guest star (new girlfriend for Dennis?) on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?
The fact of the matter is, those of us graduating in May will have been in school for 16 years. Approximately four of those years have been spent in college. And for the women reading this paper, at least two have been spent living in a sorority. There are some big changes moving from a sorority to your own house, apartment, Hooverville…
- You have to do your own dishes, clean your own bathroom, make your own meals. Forget having a late plate waiting in the fridge when you come back from that hard day at the office. Gone are the days of doing your laundry in the basement of your house (fo’ free!), and you will probably not (unless you are me) have five different kinds of cereal to choose from.
- People will not gather in droves to watch mundane/terrible/guilty pleasure shows such as The Bachelor. You will have to watch them alone, which might feel pathetic, and you’ll have no one to trade ideas or opinions with. I come home from Wine Appreciation (hooray senior year) every Monday night to discover incessant chatter and a large crowd of girls cheering for Tenley to win Jake’s heart. I am convinced that Jake is not only incredibly vapid, but that in the season finale he probably will run out of batteries and shut down at the altar. That’s what happens to robots when they spend too much time in the fantasy suite. I digress. See, it’s very easy for someone who doesn’t even like these shows to get sucked in while living in a sorority…you’ll miss these bonding experiences while living on your own.
- Putting on all the extras. This means you won’t have to shower with flip flops! Not having to wear clothes everywhere! No dressing up on certain days! I guess I’m a minimalist at heart.
- Not sleeping with 80 girls. I’m personally looking forward to leaving my choice child-railing adorned top bunk for a queen-sized bed of my own. And I’m also looking forward to not sleeping with an emergency exit light glowing green over me. I will miss Mary our cold air ghost, though.
- It will probably be refreshing to not hear a multitude of different music choices (most of them reminiscent of a 12-year-old’s bat mitzvah) blaring on Thursday evenings. No more “ShotsSHOTSshotsSHOTSshotsshotsEVERYBODY.” If only the Electric Slide played as often as Chris Brown did in Theta. Wouldn’t that be fun? Living on your own, you’ll get to pick your music. Mine will not just be the music. Should you ever visit my humble abode, you can expect everything from the opening scene of Mrs. Doubtfire, including the soccer cake, the pony in my house, and me and my friends dancing on a table to House of Pain’s “Jump Around.”
Published: March 3, 2010
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